Raiders Of The Lost X
X ran through the temple while being chased by a giant derpy N head boulder and wondering how he got his job. Just as the N head boulder was about to hit him, he leapt over a chasm and the N head boulder rolled into it. He was safe. He looked at his reward, the sacred treasure of the Toople Pleat family: a tiny N x Parlor Swipple statue. Happy and triumphant, he went back to Frock Town and stopped by the Ecksic Hed, a bar. "Yo, barkeep! Gimme some malt liqwhee!" he said. The bartender was an eleven year old girl named Pika who seemed out of place. "Paper or plastic?" she asked. "What?" Then she poured malt liqwhee all over his head and ran off. Of course, X was very confused. So he grabbed the chocolate latte sitting on the counter and was just about to drink it when... "HEY, HEY! X, it's me!" it cried. X hastily put it down. "Sorry, Coco!" He lit a cigarette like any random Greninja would do before Gladion sat down next to him. His eyes narrowed as he met Gladion's already narrow ones. "What?" he asked aggressively. They were in silence for a moment before Gladion spoke. "You see that lamehead over there?" he asked, pointing at N, who was being derpy with Parlor Swipple. "Yeah." "I want you to kill him." "WAIT, WHAT?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN INDIANA JONES PARODY NO WONDER MY LINES WERE OFF-" "Just shut up and do it." X thought about it for a minute. Then he pulled out a gun and shot N in the middle of him screaming "DERP I'M A LUSAMINE FANBOY!". Unfortunately, it went in his mouth and he ate it. "YUMMY YUM BULLET DORPY HEAD!" "Nice job, ace." Gladion said sarcastically. X was furious and shot N multiple times, each time with him eating the bullets. "Hey, barkeep." Pika, who was busy drinking malt liqwhee instead of serving it to people, sat up, accidentally whacking her head on the counter. "Ya say...?" she asked. Gladion groaned. "Give me a molscree cocktail." X was shocked that they served those, as they weren't things you exactly drank. "Aye aye cap'n..." Pika said before nearly falling over and then making an alchoholic drink. "Here ya go..." "But that's just regular-" "Shush." Gladion told X and poured some LEMONADE essence into it. X was about to freak out. LEMONADE essence was a rare thing to come by. Then it magically transformed into a molscree cocktail and Gladion yeeted it at N. There was a fire-y explosion and Gladion drank Coco. "OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" X screamed. "I wan' huggles..." Pika said in a rather drunken fashion. The dust settled and N was on the ground, vomiting up Parlor Swipple albums. X and Gladion got into a fight and Pika looked confused. She fell over the counter and poked X in the eye, which distracted him while she huggled Gladion. "DOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYY HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!" screamed a voice. N suddenly rose up with demon wings and began to fire baked beans at X, Pika, and Gladion. X hopped around desperately, and Gladion used his body as a shield to protect Pika from the baked beans. He then brought out his phone and called Primal, who soon arrived in Ecksic Hed, armed to the fin. He Water Spouted Ticked-As-Frick Nskull, making him collapse. "PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DERP FROCK HEADS GO DED!" Parlor Swipple screamed and leapt at Pika for little reason. But she gorged out Parlor Swipple's eye with a glass and kicked her in the stomach. Gladion engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Ticked-As-Frick Nskull and knocked him unconscious. They stood victorious. But then a loud screech reached them. "PRIMALLLLLLLLLLLL MEMORIES!" Parasect-eyed Shauna screamed, hopping through the window. "OH HOLY FRICK-" Primal screamed and Water Spouted Parasect-Shauna. But she didn't surrender. So Gladion grabbed Josh Kool, who was shouting "FUC U ALL UR ****HEADS" as he was yeeted at Parasect-Shauna, ending up in her stomach. Then Gladion yeeted X at Shauna and he ended up in Josh Kool's stomach. Then he dragged Pika away, and by the time X was out of the lameheads' stomachs, they were gone, as if they never had came.
The end.
Jan 9, 2021
by
Gau
