What about this one!?
“I’ll be back in a jiffy, James!” James’s mother shouted.
“A jiffy is a 1/100th of a second, and you haven’t even left yet,” proclaimed poor James, too dimwitted to realize anything.
“ By the way, a goldfish has a memory span of three seconds- much more than yours,” James added.
This is how James was shipped off onto the nextdoor neighbors’.
The neighbor, kind Mr. McGruffabubbles, opened the door in horror to see the greasy-haired preadolescent right there.
“‘Typewriter’ is the longest word that can be typed on only one row of keys in a typewriter. Ironic, isn’t it?” James asked.
A few seconds later, James was two houses to the right of his original. Mistress Aurelia opened the door, gasping; flabbergasted by the glassy-eyed stares of James.
James enlightened Mistress Aurelia, “If you were to spell all the numbers, it would take you up to one thousand until you could use the letter A.”
Before you could say, “nerd,” James was three houses away from his original. After a few more hours of facts, James was in a whole different city, and by lunchtime, he was in a different state. Ohio was a lot different from Michigan, so maybe the people would be kinder.
“There are 13,092 different utensils in the White House,” James told an unknown stranger, one who was eighty or even ninety, and had a very long cane.
James had many bruises when he was at the next house, where he told a supermodel that 25% of all Americans have been on television, whether they knew it or not. Later, when he was in Mexico, he told a mariachi-player that a dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
When James had been shipped to South America, it was his thirteenth birthday. He told a criminal that only one percent of lawbreakers escape punishment in Venezuela, which just so happened to be where he was. Only this fact was a lie; he just wanted to scare him. Well, James certainly did scare him when he announced that the average NFL game lasts three hours, but the time spent playing was only eleven minutes. The man immediately fainted, although he was in a whole different continent than the NFL. Then James realized NFL could potentially stand for Never Fleeing Lice, although this didn’t make much sense either.
Jun 15, 2021
by
AureliusReyes
