An Anthropomorphic Egg Who Is Quite Large And Is Prone To Falling Off Continuous Vertical Stone Structures
There once just so happened to exist a vacuous oval-formed eukaryote who emphatically presumed that it would be gratuitously advantageous to adopt a position in which one’s weight was supported by their buttocks, of which were situated on a continuous vertical stone structure that converges a distinct region of land – particularly a region that is situated in fictitious universes in which anthropomorphic eggs get in to all sorts of antics. This egg was acknowledged by the hoi polloi as Humpty, but he preferred not to directly affirm his surname, as it would inevitably ensure much bombastic scoffing, due to his last name rhyming questionably heavily with his first name. Nonetheless, Humpty’s last name, no matter how much he held contempt to it, was Dumpty.
Humpty proceeded to have a stupendous tumble to the terra firma that proved to be a decision of zemblanity. This loss of footing would prove to be of miserable expectations for Humpty, but because nursery rhymes are often incredibly vague, and nursery rhyme characters are often inordinately and excessively jovial, nobody will ever be able to comprehend what Humpty Dumpty’s perceptions of his fall, caused by his disproportionate size to the wall he was reclining on, were.
Soon a royal figure of utmost approbation sent several icons to desperately and fruitlessly try to put Humpty’s disorganized egg shell remnants to amalgamate together to form an anthropomorphic egg who had a rather cartoonish facial expression and was able to perambulate and communicate with his highly uncharacteristic body parts. The king sent many different living organisms to try to put Humpty back into one edifice, including many plant-eating, domesticated mammals that had equal hooves and furry manes, as well as human adult males.
Alas, the efforts of the horses and the men proved to be infinitesimal and fruitless. Despite their painstaking inefficacious efforts of trying to piece back together an egg that went against all odds (and several imposing signs that told him to do otherwise) and decided to sit on a wall, the horses and men that seemed to be subject to the king’s rather imbecilic and absurd instructions, were not able to return Humpty Dumpty to his original state, or otherwise were much too lazy and languorous to do so. Because of the royal subjects’ utter incompetence, Humpty Dumpty remained in ruins for seven-and-a-half {7½} days, before being picked up by a rancorous vulture and getting consumed for the vociferous vulture’s elevenses.
Dec 29, 2020
by
AureliusReyes
This noblest event was approaching. Queens from all over Ith were gathering to Queen Lydia's castle to discuss only the most royal and important of matters, no frivolous trivialities. The Queen had to prepare the castle for the ceremony, and that would be an arduous set of tasks.
The Queen first had to dress up for the event. It was a formal event, and it required the most elegant of outfits. She looked around her expansive closet to find the right garments. An emerald gown with gold lacing, that would do. She put on her gloves and boots, did her hair and makeup, and set off to the castle. She needed to prepare, and there was a great amount to do, with only a few hours until the prestigious ceremony.
Queen Lydia descended elegantly down the stairs. She treaded toward the Royal Kitchen, ready to speak with severity.
"I demand twenty servings of Course #22, and it must be ready by half-past noon!"
The cooks gave the Queen a worried look and stood petrified for a few seconds. Queen Lydia gave an irritated look and promptly said-
"NOW!"
-and all the cooks hurried off cartoonishly to prepare their meals.*
Queen Lydia went into the Room of Maids to gather the Royal Maids. They were all asleep, and the Queen was very annoyed at their uncouthness and insubordinate behavior, so woke them up fiendishly.
The twenty-two of them awoke with expressions that were just as vexed as the Queen's were. The Queen began to recite the daily duties.
"Onyx Tier maids will decorate the halls, Ruby Tier maids will decorate the dining room, and Diamond Tier maids will decorate all minor rooms in the castle. Now get ready quickly and hurry!"
Then the Queen charged out of the room with her necklaces of various gemstones clanging together and causing a raucous of tintinnabulation.**
Lydia turned around to see the grandfather clock. It was already eleven o'clock, which meant there was only an hour-and-a-half until the other nobles would start arriving. Not just queens, but also countesses, empresses, princesses, viscountesses, and czarinas from all over Ith. Lydia was becoming rather nervous about the conference. It only occurred once a century, and Lydia was blessed to have had the prestigious event fall upon her reign. The tales and legends told it as a splendorous event of festive fun, and Lydia had to lead over the event.
Since Lydia had her servants doing everything, she now had time for relaxation. She retreated to the Royal Suite for about an hour of rest.
~
After reading some of the books in the Ancient Text section of her personal library, Lydia was ready to let guests into the castle. She treaded downstairs vociferously. She marched ostentatiously to the doors with guards and grenadiers behind her. She proudly stomped towards the gates and pushed the giant doors open, letting an explosion of sunlight illuminate the dim castle. There were hundreds of her kingdom's citizens outside the castle, looking eagerly for glimpses of the Royal Conference through the windows.
It didn't take long for the first royal to show up. Queen Halina, of a kingdom on the continent of Czanope, where Lydia also ruled. Lydia couldn't be bothered to remember all of the royals and what kingdoms they led, especially not snotty Queen Halina. Halina was a frivolous leader, snotty and snobby and snooty.
"It's a pleasure to have you here," Lydia said coldly to Halina.
"Likewise," Halina said, just as aloofly, causing Lydia to grimace. Did Lydia skip her elevenses just to be greeted by rude royals? A true disgrace if there ever was one.
The other royals arrived one by one, including Queen Zlatozara, Empress Olympia, Marchioness Yvonne, and Czarina Yesenia, among many others from distant kingdoms and continents across Ith.
As the aristocrats arrived, Lydia became more and more lachrymose at the assortment. She had expected a grand group of royals, but instead she was receiving a basket of deplorables. When all thirty royals had arrived, Queen Lydia ordered the guards to close the gates, and as she turned around and the gates were closed she could hear the commotion of the crowd. Yelling, chanting, cheering, and oohing in mystery. This was an Eeyorish situation, a phrase her mother had used to describe a time where a colony of ants was discovered to have been plaguing the castle.
The guards and officials from all kingdoms, along with the many reporters, followed Lydia and the other royals to the Grand Dining Room, where the conference would be held. Lydia looked out the window and below saw all the citizens, still there, using a variety of ocular devices to try to catch a glimpse at the session.
Lydia turned away from the window and ordered a guard to close the curtains, and could, even in the sturdy walls of the castle, hear a collective groan from the citizens. She looked at the mess of royals before her. She wanted nothing more than to vanish and reappear outside of the castle and escape from the kingdom. A Runaway Queen.
But, alas, Lydia had to oversee this event.
"Everyone! Please sit," Lydia instructed.
Almost all the royals listened, but Queen Zlatozara remained standing, giving a rather sassy look.
Lydia was irked, and said "What are you doing, Queen Zlatozara?"
Queen Zlatozara smiled standoffishly, and said "What are you doing, Lydia?" not bothering to use Lydia's formal title. "You're standing as well."
More irritated than ever, Lydia snarled. "I am the overseer of this event, Zlatozara. Now sit!"
Zlatozara stuck out her tongue, prompting the guards to remove her from the castle.
Dec 29, 2020
by
AureliusReyes
