Cutie And The N
Once upon a time, in a kingdom down Whee Street, there lived a princess named Pika and her brother, Shade. Everyone loved Pika. They were always swarming her when she went outside and trying to take pictures. There had been five deaths this year when her royal guards hit some paparazzi a bit too hard. Shade wasn't very loved, and he loved it. He was always hiding in the castle when it was day and only went outside during the night when everyone was asleep. One night, Shade went outside only to be approached by someone wearing a cloak with a hood. "DERP HI PRINCE SHADE CAN I KISS YOUR SISTER ROMANTICALLY?" asked the person. "I beg your par- wait who the frick are you?!" Shade cried. The person tossed off his cloak, revealing his long green hair and derpy eyes. "I'M N BUT YOU CAN CALL ME MR. DERP!" "Get off the castle grounds." Suddenly, N's face went red with anger. "NO YOU DERPY FIRST!" "Uh, I'm the prince. You can't just stroll on by, ask to kiss my sister, and tell me to leave." "SHUT THE DERPING DERP UP!" Shade was tempted to call the guards, but N suddenly grabbed something out of his Rubik's cube: a magical staff. Then he fired a beam of what looked like lightning at Shade, knocking him unconscious. A light surrounded them and N was knocked unconscious too. But then Shade got up. However, he wasn't actually Shade. They had switched bodies. "HA HA HA DERP HA!" N laughed before picking up his old body and carrying it to the graveyard. He put his body with Shade in it inside of an empty grave, which he then filled with baked beans. Then he went into town, got drunk, ate a bunch of lima beans, vomited on the roof of every house he walked by, and went to the castle. He somehow found Shade's room and passed out in it. The next day, Pika woke up and went to Shade's room to find who she thought was her brother sleeping. She shook him awake. She didn't seem to notice how derpy his eyes had become. "DERP HI PRINCESS!" he said, trying to mimic Shade's voice and then noticing that his voice already was Shade's and so he sounded high. But Pika, being quite dumb, didn't seem to notice. "'Princess'? Aw, no need to be all formal, Shade! Just call me Pika!" "BUT I'M NOT- OK DERP!" Things that day went as they usually did. All the royal duties and typical things. But even Pika noticed that 'Shade' was acting a bit odd. For one, she couldn't understand why her 'brother' was flirting with her quite derpily. And when the Music Rangers, a band made up of some of her friends, came by, 'Shade' screamed "DORPY DERP YEET!" and tossed chairs at them. This made Pika rather sad, because Gladion, her crush and best friend, was the lead singer of the Music Rangers. Days passed. But one day, Pika was gone. "OH MY DORRRRRP FRICK WHERE IS PIKA?!" N screamed to a guard. "She has gone to visit Gladion, sir." the guard replied. When he derpily breakdanced to Gladion's house, he saw Pika dancing and singing with Gladion in a very cute performance. She was blushing and looked overjoyed and they just kinda locked eyes in the middle of the dancing and singing. N was triggered by this. "HEY YOU DON'T STEAL AWAY MY GIRL YOU PIECE OF DERPY NOSE SNOT!" The dance stopped. "Shade...? What are you-" Before Pika could ask her question, Gladion gave N a look. "What do you mean by that? She's your sister, not your girlfriend." "SHE'S NIETHER YOU FROOK MY NAME IS N DERP DORP!" Pika and Gladion slowly looked at each other. Pika screamed and Gladion used the opportunity to pin N to a wall. "Why are you in the prince's body?!" he demanded. Gladion knew who N was. "I'M NOT N I'M SHADE DERP!" "You just said you weren't Shade and that you were N!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DERPDERPDERP WRONG!" Then the door was knocked off its hinges. Standing there was Shade in N's body, covered in baked beans and holding N's magical staff. "OH DERP." "You little-" Shade cut himself off and used the magical staff. This time, niether of them were knocked unconscious. Shade opened his eyes and looked down at himself, relieved. N opened his eyes. "DERP YOU MESSED UP HA!" came Pika's voice. Pika and N had switched bodies. So Shade magically beamed Pika, but ended up in Gladion's body with N back in his own. After a bit more switching, Pika was in Shade's body, Shade was in Pika's body, N was in Gladion's body, and Gladion was in N's body. "DERP I AM THE ROYAL GLADIAN!" "THAT'S GLADION, YOU TWIT!" "WHEEEEEEE!" "I WILL DECAPITATE YOU, TOSS YOUR BODY IN THE RIVER, AND HANG YOUR HEAD ON MY WALL, N!" Eventually, they were exhausted and collapsed into a heap on the ground. But Gladion grabbed the wand and used it. Pika opened her eyes, back in her own body. Gladion was in his own body again as well and was nuzzled on the cheek affectionately by the princess. Shade was relieved and was about to fall asleep. And then N stood up. "DERP BUY MY NEW ALBUM I JUST MADE A SONG CALLED 'ROYALLY DERPY' AND IT GOES LIKE THIS: I AM SO DERPY, SO DERPY, SO DERPY! YEAH, YEAH, I'M ROYAL, I'M ROYALLY DERPY AND LEGALLY BLONDE! OH MY DERP, I'M WAITING, I'M WAITING! OH MY DERP, I JUST PEED MY PANTS! I INJECTED HAU HEADS IN MY ARMPIT, AND THEY ATE ALL OF MY INTESTINAL SCREES! DERP I READ FEAR AND I WAS SO SCARED! THEN I WET MY BED AND TOOK TOO MANY MEDS, YEAH! DORP DERP DORP DERP DORP DERP DORP DERP! NSOFT WORD, BUY NSOFT WORD, IT'S THE BEST AND MADE ME EAT MY HEADPHONE WIRES! LOOK AT ME, I DID A 360 IN THE GARBAGE COLLECTOR'S OVERSIZED SHOES! I WENT TO A GOTH CONVENTION, THEN WENT AND RUINED MUSIC! I LISTEN TO KNUCKLES' RAP AND TRIED TO SING THIS SONG IN TAIWANESE! THEN I OFFENDED MOMMY WHO ATE MY KNEES! I MADE A BURGER FROM SOY CHEESE, AND I STUFFED IT IN A BURRITO MADE WITH BAKED BEANS! THE SWAN TURDS WERE SO MAJESTIC AND IMPLODED ME! OMG X! OMG X! X, X, X, IS AN ACE TRAINER! HE USED PURRLOIN AND IT WAS YEETED INTO TEA! I JUST BROKE UP WITH N AND RAN OVER MY NIBLE TREES, AND THEN INJURED COLIN WITH A BURSTING BEE SUBMARINE! WANNA KNOW WHY?! 'CAUSE I'M ROYALLY DERPY! YEAH, YEAH, ROYALLY DERPY! YEAH, YEAH, ROYALLY DERPY! DERPY DERPY DERPY WITH A HINT OF ROYALTY!" Everyone stared with dropped jaws. "What in the name of everlasting frick was that...?!" Shade asked. That's when they realized that such awful singing could only come from Parlor Swipple. Parlor Swipple grabbed the staff and said "I'LL BRING YOU MORE SONGS NEXT TIME AND THEN I'LL DATE YOU AND BREAK UP WITH YOU!" to Gladion before running off. "Kill me." were Gladion's only words. "Kill her." were Pika's words. They went back to the castle. "What was going on? I heard some kinda lamehead racket!" Primal, one of the Music Rangers, cried. "Parlor Swipple was in some guy named N's body after a lot of body swapping. She was singing some kind of nightmarish song about being royal, derpy, and legally blond. It also involved something about waiting, peeing her pants, injecting Hau heads in her armpit, her 'intestinal screes' being eaten, reading FEAR, wetting her bed, taking lots of meds, telling us to buy Nsoft Word, which apparently made her eat her headphone wires, doing a 360 in a garbage collector's shoes, going to a goth convention, ruining music, which I can believe, listening to Knuckles' rap music, singing the song she was singing in Taiwanese, offending her mother, who ate her knees, making a burger from soy cheese and putting it in a baked bean burrito, swan turds being majestic and imploding her, X being an ace Trainer who used Purrloin, which was yeeted into tea, breaking up with N, running over her 'Nible' trees, and injuring a ten year old boy with a 'bursting bee submarine'." "OK forget I asked." Parlor Swipple in N's body ran off with N in Parlor Swipple's body and broke up every two seconds. Pika became a member of the Music Rangers, which meant she spent a lot of time with Gladion. Shade became one of the few sane people in the kingdom. And they all lived happily ever after... except for N and Parlor Swipple, who were eaten by a giant atomic Hau head.
The end.
Dec 22, 2020
by
Gau
The N Glitchfest
"DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP I HAVE COME TO EXPLOIT GLITCHES DERP!" Pika snapped awake when she heard N shouting like a high lion. She looked out her window to see him standing on a cliff with a shirt that said '(idol)'. "Aw frick..." she groaned and went outside. Upon seeing her, N fell off of the cliff before getting up and running over to her. "DERP I NEED GLITCH INFO GIVE ME LEMONADE!" "Sorry, LEM's on his honeymoon. He got married to some chocolate coffee named Why but she ran off with some sword named Ecks and so he's honeymooning alone." Pika said. N was triggered. "I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT GLITCHES DERP I HAVE JOINED THE IDLE GLIGURR ALT ARMY AND SO I MUST GO DERP GLITCH!" "But idle is spelled I-D-L-E, not I-D-O-L." N looked down at his shirt. "WHAT HOW DARE YOU MISSPELL MY SHIRT!" This went on for an hour until Pika called Primal. With a magnificent "SCREEEEEEEEE" he appeared. Rain began to fall, but that was unfortunately part of N's plan. He grabbed a Hidden Ability Abra and somehow Skill Swapped their abilities, which gave N Magic Guard and the Abra Derp Lamehead. Then Acid Rain began to fall from the sky, hurting the frocky whee heads multiple times over. "THIS ISN'T HOW ACID RAIN WORKS! IT CAN'T BE CAUSED BY RAIN!" Pika yelled over the sandstorm. "DON'T TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF IT, IT WON'T WORK!" Primal yelled back. N was immune to the effects, as he had Magic Guard, and so he did a derpy Parlor Swipple Hau dance as the weather beat down. Primal Water Spouted N right in his lameheaded head, and he held on with 1 HP due to a Focus Sash. Then N began to devour Pomeg Berries, reducing his HP to -1. The coding of the world interpreted it as 65,535 HP and displayed it as ?35. Then, using Copycat on Primal, he used Water Spout. N had the perfect Special Attack, the battle had turned to inverse, a Phantump used Forest's Curse on Primal, and Primal's Special Defense was somehow lowered. He was hit with the Water Spout, and due to all the conditions being met, its damage was so high that it underflowed to a negative value. Primal's HP bar drained, but he didn't faint. However, his HP wasn't healed like it should've been. This was part of N's derpy plot. Suddenly, Primal fainted mysteriously. "DERP I CAN ABUSEDED THE GLITCHES!" N screeched joyously. Pika was about to panic. But then she got an idea. "Two can play at that game..." she chuckled. Pika sent out a Skarmory and flew away. N rejoiced, thinking that he had finally triumphed over the frocky whee heads. Pika flew to Kanto and approached the Bug Catcher on Route 6. The second he noticed her, she flew away on a Doduo. She entered Vermilion City and went to Route 11 and battled a Trainer who walked toward her. Then she went back to Vermilion City and spoke to a random person. Then she returned to Route 6 and a random Pokemon appeared after she heard a random thing the Bug Catcher had said when he had been four years old. She won the battle and flew back to Alola on her Skarmory. N was doing a derpy dance again, but then he began to move incredibly slowly. "WHAT THE DERP...?" he asked. Then he was nearly deafened by glitchy noises. Random people began to flicker and teleport around. N tried to open the menu, but it wouldn't work. "DERRRRRP!" he screamed, but it appeared on-screen as a bunch of random glitchy tiles and letters and numbers. Then the Bug Catcher from Kanto battled him repeatedly. By the 683th battle, he was exhausted. But then he opened the menu, and it said 0 ERROR. "...OH DERP." Pika flew over, crying 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee', and dropped to the ground. "How'd ya like my 0 ERROR glitch performance? Pretty sweet, eh?" N was outraged. "DERP UNDO THIS!" "No thanks." Pika said. Primal then regained consciousness and noticed they were talking about glitches. He went to Johto and got an Egg with Beat Up as its third move, a female level 0 bad clone, which happened to be of N, and five Pokemon. He put the Egg in a box and got the bad clone in his party before putting the bad clone in the Day Care. When he retrived the female N, its name was ?????. He put it in the top of his party and went to the PC, selected the 'move Pokemon without mail' option, and put another Pokemon in his party. He now had seven Pokemon somehow. He put ????? in the Day Care and went back to the PC. He deposited the first and second party Pokemon, then using 'move Pokemon without mail', he moved the Egg from its PC box to the top of his party. But then he messed up the glitch purposely and went back to Alola, where N was trying to force Pika to listen to Parlor Swipple songs 24/7. Primal loaded up his party and selected the move option, revealing eighty glitch Pokemon. "WHAT DERPY EVEN?!" N screamed. Pika began to switch the Pokemon's moves around. The ground became distorted, random music began to play, everyone but Primal, Pika, and N became glitches, Pokedex entries became glitched, and Trainer IDs changed. Suddenly, LEMONADE appeared out of nowhere. "LEM! What are you doing here? Weren't you on your honeymoon?" Pika asked. LEMONADE said some things in Glitchian, and Pika understood. LEMONADE then somehow grabbed Pika and Primal and opened a portal to a safer world. But then N grabbed Pika's ankle and was toed along. They reached the glitch-free world, but then LEMONADE yeeted N through another portal. He awoke to the Gen 2 intro. However, the Game Freak logo was White, the Shelders were pink with blue tongues, Lapras was pinkish-red with a light pink shell, Magikarp was blue, Totodile was pink, Chikorita was light orange, and Charizard was blue. The Silver title screen appeared, but the 'Silver Version' text was blue-gray with a white highlight and the clouds from Lugia's silhouette were black. Then the Gold title screen appeared, and Ho-Oh was red with pink wing tips, the 'Gold Version' text was silver, ironically, and the sparkles from the Ho-Oh silhouette were purple. And in both, the Pokemon logo was dark yellow with a blue border and green shadow. "OH MY DERP." N was in the glitch dimension... forever.
The end.
Dec 21, 2020
by
Gau
