The Performance
The croud cheered as Pika stepped onstage. She bowed and began to speak in a slurred manner. "Yah know, those 'dults are soooo borin'! Tey be like 'ah pay mah bills an' work, get ov your Pokey-man games an' gah to 'chool'! Buh the kids sah 'ah'm bored, ah'mma gah play ou'side' an' run throu tah fields!" The people began to laugh because of how crazy Pika sounded as she mocked people and tottered around as if she was drunk. "Doh'neven get meh 'tarted on tah laymeheds! Tey sah 'deerp ah'm ah laymehead' an' gah 'creaming i' our ears 'bout bein' dum!" But then N, who was in the crould, screamed "DERP WE DON'T SAY DERP AT ALL SO SHUT YOUR DERPY DRINKY DRANKY HEAD!" "Bah hah, seh 'im 'rove mah poin'?!" Pika laughed. "I SAID SHUT DERPY UP OR I'LL RUN YOU OVER WITH MY HEADX TRUCK THAT I STOLE!" "Doh it, ah don' 'are! Yah jus' too weak!" This triggered N and he ate an atomic Shiny Hau head which caused him to turn into a Mad Hauhead-N combo, which was just N with the eyes and mouth of Mad Hauhead. Then he yeeted a Hau who was smiling insanely with a smile wider than his face at Pika. But then Gladion came riding in on his Silvally with a small black mask over his eyes, making him look like some kinda robber, and with a dark gray shirt instead of his hoodie. Then he handsomely punched the creepy smiling Hau through the roof before it could even make contact with Pika. The croud cheered again, including Pika, and Gladion bowed. Then Parlor Swipple ran at them at mach speeds, yelling "DERP I BROKE UP WITH N AND ATE A PIECE OF TURD BRAIN!" as she did. She crashed straight into a wall and Pika recounted the tale of her being robbed by a bunch of lameheads who tried to steal her Fennekin and how Gladion was the masked hero who saved her and whom she found attractive. By the time she was done, Parlor Swipple got to her feet. "DERP! YOU'RE DUMB AND DRANK AND I MUST GO YEET MASK!" she screamed and tried to force Pika to wear a mask, which made her cry out in slurred speak. But then Gladion flying karate kicked her while yelling something in Japanese. The whole scene was lovely and anime-like. "LOOKS LIKE I'M DERPY DORP AGAIN!" she screamed and flew through the ceiling. "DERP I HEAR THE VOICE OF POKERMENS AND KICK MUNNAS!" N screamed and sent out his Purrloin. "Go, Junior!" Pika yelled, ditching the the slurred speak, and sent out a Shiny Victini that was wearing an Expert Belt on its head whom she had cheat coded into existence and gave some illegal moves. "Close Combat!" And with that, Junior the Victini Close Combated Purrloin very hard, winning the battle, and gained over thirty levels. "WHAT DERP EVEN?!" N screamed and had a breakdancing spaz siezure. To torture N, Pika sung a parody of a parody: "I can see me now on a whee head morning, kicking out your spine! Oh, with joy and with surprise, I'll yeet books with my eyes, and your lameheadedness will scream and die! I want an epical scree for whee heads! Only an epical scree will do! No lameheads! We've got enough of those! Kids like me need to get epical screes! And the grown-ups might decide to scree too!" "STOP STOP STOP STOP DERRRRPPPPPP DIE!" N screeched and tried to attack Pika, but Junior the Victini Meteor Mashed him and he lost consciousness. When he came to, he was tied up to a chair, and Parlor Swipple and Lusamine were tied up in chairs next to them. "Let's get started, shall we?" Pika said before reading The Secret Garden to them, and in-between each chapter Pika blabbed about how her favorite character was her favorite character, torturing them.
The end.
Dec 18, 2020
by
Gau
