PX Hyper Offence Attempt 01, Please rate and suggest?

Question

I am being slightly lazy today so writing will be at a minimum, no descriptions or fancy story telling. Just a short background check. Enjoy!

One day...as my head peaked over the white bed sheets, crumpled and
torn from another restless slumber...an inviting, flickering sound
crept up my balcony followed by a light drone type of noise. I
realised it was the computer. It had been left on all night, on my
profile...on showdown. My curiosity compelled me to see what it was
doing...I appeared to have left it on team builder...with a new piece
of work titled "PX Hyper offence OU 01". I was not sure what to make
of it...so I wanted to see what the good people of the DB thought.

Well...no story telling my eye...I kinda got carried away there...never mind. Thanks for reading and rating! (not one of my best works...the story I mean..no actually, both. I do have experience in story writing)

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Gyarados @ Water Gem
Trait: Moxie
EVs: 252 Spd / 252 Atk / 4 HP
Adamant Nature
- Dragon Dance
- Earthquake
- Waterfall
- Ice Fang

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Donphan @ Leftovers
Trait: Sturdy
EVs: 252 HP / 4 SDef / 252 Def
Impish Nature
- Stealth Rock
- Rapid Spin
- Earthquake
- Ice Shard

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Darmanitan @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Sheer Force
EVs: 252 Atk / 252 Spd / 4 SDef
Adamant Nature
- Flare Blitz
- U-turn
- Superpower
- Rock Slide
___

Virizion @ Leftovers
Trait: Justified
EVs: 252 SAtk / 222 SDef / 34 Def
Modest Nature
- Calm Mind
- Giga Drain
- Focus Blast
- Hidden Power [Ice]

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Hydreigon @ Choice Scarf
Trait: Levitate
EVs: 252 SAtk / 252 Spd / 4 SDef
Modest Nature
- Draco Meteor
- Fire Blast
- Focus Blast
- Surf

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Conkeldurr @ Leftovers
Trait: Guts
EVs: 252 Atk / 252 HP / 4 SDef
Adamant Nature
- Bulk Up
- Drain Punch
- Ice Punch
- Mach Punch

I thanks those who help in anyway very deeply. Thanks you so much guys ;}

PX;}

Comments

You forgot the Virizion Sprite and a line between Darmanitan and Virizion ;)

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oh lol Thanks Flare!..! LOl that ! will start to get annoying..but thanks

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LOLOLOL, then don't put det '!' in 'Flare!' XD

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CM Virizion <3
ScarfDreigon <3

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instead of the 4 Hp Ev's on gyarados go with 4 Def or 4 SpDef

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^ I usually do 4 Def so as to help take rock moves from things like specially defensive Tyranitar.

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I might suggest using leftovers rather than a water gem on gyarados, it may need to recover from stealth rock or getting hit from a switch in. Also, it's just a nice item in general :D

Also, put u-turn on hydreigon and add for attack evs from the 4 special defense evs. You still won't be able to stand a specs latios with draco meteor taking away half its attack anyways (assuming thats why you had 4 special defense and not hp), and don't forget to change the nature.

Conk is awesome, considering gyarados is a big burn target and you can switch. This is small, but put the 4 evs in defense and not special defense to make it better at waht it does.

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Oh, and for donphan put the 4 defense evs into attack. Another thing, you have 4 physicals and just two special attackers plus the only person who can really take a special based hit is virizion granted she didn't die yet.

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I would say ditch Conkeldurr because of mediocre speed and SP.Def and I`d suggest Salamence with dragon gem and outrage with jolly nature and Moxie.

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Donphan in HO. Nice try.

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Since you have two scarfers, why not change Darmanitan to Band?

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Um JCM. Not all offensive teams need to have all 6 members super powerful. Some successful ones also rely on Sr and Spikes to weaken Pokemon. And spinning them away to avoid losing HP.

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All Offensive teams have SR :D Just Donphan is not an offensive Pokemon and looses momentum and that

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Actually offensive Donphan is pretty boss. just saying

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Banded Donphan! I wonder how much a banded Rapid Spin would do, lol.

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I'm sorry, but you apparently don't know the difference between Hyper Offense and Balanced Offense / Bulky Offense.

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Apparanly I don't...but that's because I don't like HO that much. I am used too balnced. And Aldo, Doc and Ben do have good points on this. But yeah....i guess your right.