Meta-PokéBase Q&A
19 votes
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Hello all users of pokemondb.net/pokebase. I’m Hellfire Taco. Charmed, I’m sure. If you’ve been keeping up to date with happenings on the site for the past three or so years, you’ll know that esteemed moderator Fizz has gone completely berserk and you worthless pricks have left it up to me to stop him. It’s not *** easy, and I’ve gotta juggle hunting down a crazed Australian man with school, where I’m tasked with ripping the spiciest guitar solos you’ve ever heard. This sort of work does numbers on a man, but I’ve finally got him. I’ve had to ruin the lives of various people, and end the lives of countless others but I’ve got him. Ladies and gentlemen: I’m THIS close to catching Fizz, and his reign of terror will soon come to a close.

But, before I do this, we’ve gotta get a few things out of the way first. First of all, why have I been the only goddamn person working on this? What? Too scared? Too worthless to do a little work and take down one of the biggest, most diabolical criminals of the century? Aw, I feel so sorry for you. Meanwhile, I’m over here, out in the middle of the ** DESERT, walking on a broken foot and blood, now dried running down my face from a tussle I got into with Fizz when I caught up to him in Melbourne. I haven’t seen my family in years, I have NOTHING. I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THE WORK. AND I GET NOTHING. And I’ve gotta go after another one of these sick *** “moderators” after I’m done, because they’re getting worse. I can’t say who, because I can’t let them get the jump on me, but let it be known: I, Hellfire Taco, will eradicate the powers that be on Pokebase. And I’m tired of you disgusting pigs, you disgusting pigs, you disgusting pigs. I hate you all. Disgusting pigs. Your blood will be on my hands, and I’ll smear it across my face in sweet victory. The iron-rich taste of the liquid that gives you life will fill my mouth as I drink your blood and bathe in it in a final catharsis before I bring upon myself the same fate I vow to bring upon you wretched beings.

With all that said, enough about what will happen. Let’s discuss the what has happened and what is happening. I've been keeping a diary whenever I find the time to write and it's been really helpful whenever I wake up in a cold sweat having completely forgotten the mission I'm on. Before I started keeping it, I once woke up in the middle of the desert knowing nothing of my situation and wandered for three days to the nearest city, in which I caught a glimpse of a scruffy Australian man that reminded me that I really want to eliminate Fizz. I killed the scruffy guy too, and Fizz continues to post, so he was certainly not Fizz and is nothing but a bump in the road for me. I see them everywhere, the decoys. Anyway, back to my diary, here are some excerpts that I'm sure will interest you:


April 2, 2023
I’ve tracked my target to a 7-Eleven in Melbourne. Subject is wearing a shirt and pants… trying to blend in. Currently purchasing pork rinds… lugging around a bag presumably full of Red Bull. The sniper I hired should have no problem taking him out.


April 3, 2023
The previous mission was a bust. The sniper was in fact just a homeless guy who took my money. Subject’s bartering skills allowed him to slip in and out of the gas station without leaving any evidence of ever having been there… other than the stench.


May 15, 2023
Target seen checking into hotel in North Melbourne. I’ve put explosives in every room. Upon asking the lady at the desk if a Fizztopher had checked in recently she refused to tell me and called the police. Hotel blown to smithereens. Another decoy.


June 4, 2023
Fizz lives. Damn it all.


July 24, 2023
Fizz has posted on my wall, a very clearly coded message that will surely reveal his location. A taunt. Disgusting pig. Upon trying to hire a decoder guy to decode it for me, he promptly asked me why, at which point I was honest. Police called. The Hacker will assist me in this endeavor.


August 8, 2023
I found Fizz’s car, the brakes are no more. Of course he drives a Kia. Sucker. Good riddance.


September 16, 2023
Jimmy’s birthday. I remember him from my previous life. Before Fizz took over. How I long for everything to go back to normal. But this is all I know. This reminds me that I used my last bomb in an attempt to hunt small birds for sustenance. Bomb wasted, bird evaporated. The heat is getting to me.


September 17, 2023
Went to the hardware store, running low on improvised explosives. What is a man without his improvised explosives? Nothing. A man is nothing without his improvised explosives.


September 18, 2023
Car blew up.


October 31, 2023
I know Fizz is hiding in plain sight… I can smell his awful musk. It’s incredibly distinct. I can track him from three miles away… Nobody can get in my way, my mission will be accomplished.


November 1, 2023
Plastic explosives are not allowed in most types of buildings. He got away again.


December 15, 2023
The Hacker has contacted me and he and the Badass are on their way to assist me. This ends tonight.


December 16, 2023
I barely made it out alive. The Red Bull grants him powers… unimaginable powers.


January 5, 2024
I have a plan.


And that plan was flawless. Immaculate.

In an attempt to lure Fizz into a trap, I got him in the studio, with the guise that I’d be helping him take his amateur rapping career (the third most important thing to him, next to Red Bull and Pork Rinds) to the next level with some high quality mixing and mastering, as well as a real sound engineer and producer, fully funded by yours truly. Now, unfortunately, this trap didn’t work, and the engineer and producer stopped me from sinking a bullet into Fizz when I pulled out my .45, he got away, and I’m out $1250 for studio time. The producer also wouldn’t let me keep what we had recorded, so no Fizz rap battle for you, unfortunately. Said he didn’t feel “safe” around me and was going to “call the cops” if I didn’t leave. Don’t know what his problem is. The so-called “police” are nothing but a setback to me and I find them incredibly problematic in my righteous crusade to eliminate the scum of the Earth (Fizz).

I did, however, record my own, entirely original song about Fizz. Recorded every track myself. This was recorded at a time where I still had empathy for the sick ***. I now have no sympathy and only wish the worst fate upon his horrendous life. Find it below.

My song. I put my heart and soul into it. (THIS IS A LINK!!!!!!!)

I’m already far behind the Fizz trail after having typed up this post, and I fear for the worst. I must be on my way. Wish me luck. I need all the help I can get. I am accepting donations.

Farewell, my friends.

by
We lost a good, honest man today.
God, this fizz man sounds awful, we should eliminate him immediately before anyone else gets hurt!!!!!
Your Hacker must be worth his/her/their salt if you can keep posting updates like this and Fizz himself is unable to take them down and out of the public eye.

Honestly not surprised Fizz is like this seeing how corrupt the Australian government can be. :P
Fizz has been awfully silent since this went up.
A. When you talk about disgusting pigs, you mean us? If so, I'm not in Australia, can't go to Australia, and can't hack. I was just here for a Pokémon site, not life's problems.
B. Which Kia?
C. I don't know you, but goodbye
@Ferarri my song should clear up all of your questions
It makes me indescribably happy to see you spreading awareness about this. Unless I'm one of the mods you're going to hunt down next.
There's no such thing as a good moderator. You can't say "but I'm one of the good ones!" The entire system of moderation on this site was created for unjust reasons and their purpose now has been masked by more acceptable things. All moderators are bastards.
the audio quality is made only for the ears of the gods
What did I just read
You read a true story
Thank you so much, kind sir. As a previous victim of Fizz, I wasn't sure if I was the only one affected by him. Thank you for bringing awareness.
Good thing I'm not a Mod
Is that song for download anywhere? Streaming?

1 Answer

7 votes

I must say that I'm impressed you haven't self-destructed in the three-going-on-four years you've been trying to tail me, Hellfire Taco, though you may as well have anyway. I've never witnessed a man become quite so obsessed that it spilt over to become a Will Toledo esque cover of his favourite song about alcohol abuse -- and I am quite sure on this occasion that "Say It Ain't So" is only one of several such favourites.

Though I am one to talk about substance abuse, and I must admit that it is time I addressed the allegations made by Hellfire Taco in his continuing crusade against me, however his mental state may limit his capacity to write a coherent sentence. Think of this as my reckoning and my reconciliation. My taking accountability. My Twitlonger.

I admit that I do not source my pork rinds ethically. I understand that this is not right with god and I must work on myself to overcome this. In fact, I am actively doing so with the guidance my private consultant. However, I do not accept that this is the cause of the "stench" spoken of by Hellfire Taco, as said private consultant has indicated to me. I attribute the stench to Hellfire Taco's own obsession, relating to "disguisting pigs" which I note he references three consecutive times at the lowest point of his raving stupor. I would suggest that he stop associating with disgusting pigs, but fear Hellfire Taco may be too far gone to meet that end.

I admit that on one occasion, in a state of caffeinated hysteria, I tussled against Hellfire Taco in my home state of Australia. Perhaps on several occasions. However, I feel I must draw attention to the numerous facts that he has characerised incorrectly, which I assume he did in a futile effort to drum up support for his crusade.

  1. My rapping career is not "amateur". In fact, it is very professional. I take after MC Ride and am capable of emulating his flows with a high degree of precision. Frankly, Hellfire Taco's lack of respect for my talents is insulting.

  2. Out of pity for Hellfire Taco, I will reveal that the hacker and the badass are an inside job that I set in place to get Hellfire Taco off my tracks. I find the evidence speaks for itself that this was effective. Now, Hellfire Taco is challenged with finding a replacement that will not serve my purposes similarly. He is warned that I know the first three numbers.

I hope this offers some clarity around my and Hellfire Taco's circumstances and brings to attention the lack of scruples he has shown over the course of his crusade. I offer my services to the next target of his obsessed blithering and anticipate our successful outcome.

by
I'm so confused... at first I thought it was an April Fools joke but goddam, it's actually a bit freaky.
If you're confused, clearly you haven't heard any of Fizz's raps before.
Not Peppa Pig.
"I understand that this is not right with God."
“Not ethically” is more of “Drunk” considering you eat it everywhere and FOUGHT with another person just to eat it more